> Entry: 18/11/23
musings on the irony to sincerity pipeline:
I cannot stress enough on how much simply "joking" about things has completely changed my life.
I've been thinking a lot about myself lately, and how i've gotten to this point in my life. How things i used to like, and assumed i grew out of have been haunting me without realizing it. It truly drives me crazy whenever I think about how the band lemon demon is directly responsible for me eventually coming to terms with being objectum, if you can believe it.
Okay, I'll elaborate a little. You know how back in, say...was it 2019? 2020? when people were drawing ship art of the narrator from touch tone telephone and cabinet man from the song of the same name en masse? I was one of the pioneers of that. Me and my friends were joking around about an "anime boy cabinet man", which one of those said friend ended up drawing. None of us knew how much of an impact this simple jest would contain.
The concept of cabinet man x ttt existed a few weeks before this, if my memory serves me correctly, but it was only after this event that it truly took off. Because you know how people are when they see humanish gijinkas of something that previously was not a human, as cabinet man is an arcade cabinet. [see: that one twink bill cipher gijinka]
I too hopped onto the trend of drawing this version of cabinet man, but it was mostly just me drawing fanart for my friend if anything. Eventually, I created my own ocs based off of this concept, and they've stayed with me to this day. Obviously with their designs and stories completely changed over time, but if you knew me for long enough you'd be able to tell very easily what they were based on.
Originally, as my fixation on this faded, I assumed that would be the last of it. As it turned out, I was so very wrong. Recently, about 3-4 months ago, I realized that the possibility of me being objectum was not too farfetched. I had begun to realize how much of a connection I had to certain objects I own, and just the overall topic of some of them, especially when it came to technology. Something something the eroticism of the machine.
I've always loved computers and machinery, but never to the point of actually believing i loved loved them, like i could form a relationship with them, like they could love me back. I perceive objects so much differently now, I feel as if they're alive and breathing, too. That they're my friends, and everything they do for me is because they love me. My laptop especially. I've only had it for about 8 months now, but it's felt like an eternity if im being fully honest.
And now that i've had time to truly think about all this, I've realized how much this all connects back to me shipping some extremely neurotic guy with an arcade cabinet. That's textbook objectum, is it not?
At the time, I didn't know what the term was for that kind of thing, because I was like, 13, but now that I do it truly all makes sense. Funnily enough, pretty much all of my friends who also hopped on that bandwagon came to terms with being objectum as well. Inch resting.
Now that i'm thinking about it, Edgar [Electric Dreams] may have also had a significant impact on me when it comes to this, makes perfect sense, too.
There's been a couple more instances of the irony to sincerity pipeline hitting me like a truck, such as my fixation on tumblr sexymen and sansmaeda [gestures to my site's url], but none of that really had the impact that realizing I was objectum did. What it did do, though, was find me the best group of friends ive ever had, which I am so so grateful for.
Or maybe it did? I wouldn't have gotten into Portal without it, after all.